I’ve been working on this post for over a month now. I’m not even sure I’ve written to everything but it’s getting longer which is what I’m avoiding. I’ve grateful to Eke, Abdul, and Yomi for their contribution and support in this post. Enjoy.
I happen to be an avid reader of Bella Naija weddings where mostly the finest weddings of Nigerians are featured. Nigeria is a country known to do colossal stuff. For instance: weddings, burials, parties, etc. Looking at the pictures of the aforementioned weddings, I’m wandering if these couples are still happily married after their humongous weddings. I’m not hating on these couples, I’m just wondering whether the zeal put into the weddings are also put into marriages. The time and money couples channel into building houses and businesses, does it commensurate with the time spent building their homes and giving their children love and affection? I’ve never been married and intend to one day but I’m so sure wealth isn’t an assurance of happiness. Of course, wealth supports happiness but it isn’t the apex of a marriage.
Some women are myopic about marriage. In other words, they give great thought to the wedding and very little to the marriage. They want lavish wedding receptions, expensive hired/borrowed cars for the occasion and other frivolous things. I’m trying not to generalize but what happens to considering your man’s pocket and cutting your cloak according to your size? I love weddings and flowers and the ‘loveliness’ that is the wedding but at the core of it, I’m thinking of my man and our marriage.
The Nigerian society has fostered the perception that a girl must marry as soon as she gets a degree. For instance, a girl maybe finishing school in a few months. She is also in a serious relationship with Mr Potential and Purpose Driven. He truly loves her but isn’t ready to settle down immediately and needs another year to establish himself. Her mother may have been asking her about him and when she’ll be getting grandchild(ren). Her parents may also be undergoing financial problems too. She knows some friends that are married or would be getting married before the year runs out. She has her doubts about him: whether he’ll still marry her when said year runs out or if she has enough faith in her boyfriend’s abilities. Mr Rich, Older and Well Established comes into her life and showers her and her family with gifts. He sweeps her off her feet and before she knows it she’s breaking up with Mr Potential. The story may end with her being a child-producing device who keeps being showered gifts while Mr Rich goes to find a mistress. Apparently, all he ever wanted was to find a woman suitable to carry his name and child.
Some women are comfortable with this idea and some others who feel such women have low self esteem or no sense of purpose in their lives. There are also other women who can’t keep their man and wouldn’t bother to try but get themselves into affairs. I hear it’s called an open marriage. What happens to the children? What impressions do the children have of you and marriage in general? Why cause such turbulence and confusion in their minds?
Most man would not value you if you have nothing to offer, it doesn’t necessarily have to be money. To some of us not yet married, please have goals and dreams aside being married. Let the man you’re getting married to know you have something to offer and be willing to help you fulfill your dream and achieve your goal. One would have to remember that marriage isn’t all about money but what both of you can bring to the table. For instance, you may be able to bring the money and the other may have a knack for handling finances.
A marriage is an institution that spans a lifetime which I love and want to experience one day and I believe one should be a part of it not for the wrong reasons especially societal pressure. Strive to become an asset, not a liability.