Conversations, Chances, and Commitment.

chances and hope

On one of my many conversations with Bubu, we got talking about infidelity in marriage.

I was thinking about it the other day: why would a man or woman bother having a mistress or boyfriend or a man/woman that s/he enjoys getting attention from that isn’t the husband/wife, outside their marriage when such liaison would make for extra spending, chances of STDs, misunderstanding, lies, etc.

Why won’t they just try and work out their problems?

Bubu said that they are bored with their marriages. Then I said whatever is between you two can be spiced up, as long as you both accept that there is a gap (or something wrong) and are willing to fix it. Together.

Maybe I’m thinking this way because I’m not in their shoes and not married.

Then Bubu said that the psychology and biology of a man is different from that of a woman as regards infidelity. He added that he feels people get bored in their marriage because they don’t get married to their partners but to wives/husbands. So it’s easy to get bored, especially when physical attraction and sexuality is the basis of the relationship.

Let me stop here and say that this is Gospel(to me).

Some say that it is impossible for men not to cheat. Yes, they love you but it’s just something they can’t help doing. I still like to believe that there are exceptions.

I’ve been reading a lot of Genevieve magazines.  In one of the columns, a columnist was asked what she thinks better between the olden days and now when it comes to family, marriage and relationships. She said that in the present people are talking out and speaking their minds unlike the past where everyone bottled up their feelings and problems.

I thought about that and realized that she was right. The good part is that you talk about it. The bad part is that most times people talk about it but they don’t bother to try to understand. They usually want to work on it on their own.

An example is in marriage. You have problems in your marriage. You talk about it with your partner but most times (which is not always), you or your partner want to work on it individually. Which in the end makes them talk to third parties.

I hope I’m making sense or rather interpreting was the columnist was trying to say.


Sometimes, I catch myself wondering if people could be just a little patient and a little more understanding. Life would be a better place to live in. If couples put at the core that they would need to learn and relearn what it means to love each other unconditionally – which means that they would be tested through different challenges. Everything good will come. Eventually.


I have to remember that it isn’t easy.

It is easier said than done.