Don’t You Just (not) Want To Grow Up?

You’re 25 years old. You’re staring at your nephew and niece who are 2years and 10months respectively. You see how much your niece wants to walk without support. You remember another time when she wanted you to put in the chair where she could spin around a zillion times. You knew she would cry if you stop.

You look at your nephew and you can see him crying and stamping his feet because he wants the ball on top of the fridge but neither his hands nor legs will permit him to get it.

You immediately give him the ball and the crying stops. You take a seat near him while your mind wanders. You think of how much these children want to grow up and you think of how much you want to be like them. Just like them, you know that they have no responsibility and all they need to do is cry and shout so that food or whatever it is they need  is given to them. You think about yourself and how much you need to spend on accommodation, feeding and transportation in the state you’ve been posted to. You have no relatives there. You know how hard it’s going to be for the next one year serving your country. You just sigh for the umpteenth time again wishing that you were these kids who have nothing to worry about.

Just then you notice your nephew throw the ball in the direction of the tv, you catch it by reflex.

“Odera, how many times have I told you not to throw that ball near the tv, ehn? I’m not giving it to you again.” You say.

Then he starts to cry. You start to mimic him crying; he stops crying and gives you that bewildered look. So you chuckle, kiss him on the head and tickle him a little. He starts laughing as his tear stricken face begins to dry.

 

 

*

Have you ever been in a situation where you just kept staring at a little child and wishing just for a second… okay, more than a second that you were just like him/her, young and gay with nothing to worry about? Or am I just the only one that has these thoughts sometimes?

On a Frolic of Her Own.

www.hannahbrencher.com
http://www.hannahbrencher.com

You know…

I couldn’t put a finger to it, but I recently realized that I was a depressing and pessimistic soul.

Nobody thought me depressingwords. I worked on making myself depressed effortlessly.

Have I grown this year?

I ask myself a lot this question but I really can’t answer. But  I’ll tell you this. I found God. No scratch that. I’m on a constant journey of finding God. It’s more like a quest. So I’ll say that I’ve grown in my relationship with Him and sometimes I think that I hear Him speak to me. Sometimes. It’s very rare but it happens.

Today…

I’m a bundle of  light and optimism. I like to encourage people even if it’s a puny attempt. I like to try anyway. And I don’t just tell them to make them feel good, I believe in it – what i say and in the person.

It’s all in you.

So I’ve chosen happiness over depression, sadness and pessimism.

Life is simple unless you’re not.

I stumbled on the aforementioned quote as someone’s twitter bio about two years ago. I didn’t understand but it stuck. I didn’t believe that it was possible or even made sense. Now it does. Life is that simple when you have God.

Lemme tell you one lily-secret. Her biggest fear is her. There! I said it. That’s a step I think – talking about it. So she goes into 2014. Scratch that . She goes into the next hour with these words:

do it afraid

*

Ps:

No. Matter. What. You. Are. Going. Through. There’s. A. Lot. To. Be. Thankful. For.

Everything is now Commercialized!

The world keeps evolving.

Now an old man marries a girl child.

A woman marries a man that can be called her son or grandson.

A woman proposes to the man.

A man marries another man.

A woman does the same.

A woman wakes up tomorrow and says that she wants to be a man.

A man does the same.

Now kids are doing the same.

 

Women remove their uterus because they don’t want to have children. Some have this agreement in their marriages. They want to be companions to each other but don’t want to have children.

Parents watch your children. The media is evil.

 

What happens to procreation? Can the transgender persons make babies?

Or gays?

Everything is now commercialized.

 

*

I do not intend to judge anybody. I’m just sharing what I think has come to stay with us. These are just my thoughts and maybe the thoughts of others. 

Conversations, Chances, and Commitment.

chances and hope

http://hope-chances.blogspot.ca/

On one of my many conversations with Bubu, we got talking about infidelity in marriage.

I was thinking about it the other day: why would a man or woman bother having a mistress or boyfriend or a man/woman that s/he enjoys getting attention from that isn’t the husband/wife, outside their marriage when such liaison would make for extra spending, chances of STDs, misunderstanding, lies, etc.

Why won’t they just try and work out their problems?

Bubu said that they are bored with their marriages. Then I said whatever is between you two can be spiced up, as long as you both accept that there is a gap (or something wrong) and are willing to fix it. Together.

Maybe I’m thinking this way because I’m not in their shoes and not married.

Then Bubu said that the psychology and biology of a man is different from that of a woman as regards infidelity. He added that he feels people get bored in their marriage because they don’t get married to their partners but to wives/husbands. So it’s easy to get bored, especially when physical attraction and sexuality is the basis of the relationship.

Let me stop here and say that this is Gospel(to me).

Some say that it is impossible for men not to cheat. Yes, they love you but it’s just something they can’t help doing. I still like to believe that there are exceptions.

I’ve been reading a lot of Genevieve magazines.  In one of the columns, a columnist was asked what she thinks better between the olden days and now when it comes to family, marriage and relationships. She said that in the present people are talking out and speaking their minds unlike the past where everyone bottled up their feelings and problems.

I thought about that and realized that she was right. The good part is that you talk about it. The bad part is that most times people talk about it but they don’t bother to try to understand. They usually want to work on it on their own.

An example is in marriage. You have problems in your marriage. You talk about it with your partner but most times (which is not always), you or your partner want to work on it individually. Which in the end makes them talk to third parties.

I hope I’m making sense or rather interpreting was the columnist was trying to say.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering if people could be just a little patient and a little more understanding. Life would be a better place to live in. If couples put at the core that they would need to learn and relearn what it means to love each other unconditionally – which means that they would be tested through different challenges. Everything good will come. Eventually.

Sigh.

I have to remember that it isn’t easy.

It is easier said than done.

Bits of a Road Trip.

Men fight but make up quickly.

I had a good journey – from Abuja to Okene. Although the music was too loud and everyone was quiet or sleeping (I think) because I slept most of the way too. After we stopped for a bit at Okene and continued, one of the passengers had a fight with the driver. The passenger complained about the rudeness of the driver and that the driver’s disrespect for his age. They threw words at each other like “stop the car let’s fight” and “shey you said you would leave the car and charter another, what’s stopping you?’ and other variations.

The other passengers tried to soothe the passenger and from there it led to politics, God, Nigerians living in other countries, and everyone sharing their perspectives. Everyone wanted the other to hear what they had to say. the driver wasn’t interested and increased the volume of the CD playing.

I happened to be the only female among six other passengers including the driver. I had a conversation with the guy who sat next to me – young, early thirties. He’s been married for a year or so. He has a child. He was surprised that I could say my rosary in the car. He said that it made him ashamed. He talked about his wife and kid a little and how he met her. He told me about how he once had God in the center but that has changed. He could not explain what changed. He told me that it was the best part of his life but he doesn’t know how come he can’t go back there. After sharing a bit of this and that, he said that my parents did well in the way I was brought up.

I talked really little and liked to listen.

Erm, do I look that young??? He guessed that I was either in school or serving. Of course I couldn’t be married, I had no ring on it. They just looked at me as a young girl. Child. Something sha. Lol.

When the man started getting comfortable, I started looking for the next exit to end the conversation and go back to reading Americanah. As soon as he got a call I went back to my book and he didn’t bother me again. I saw parts of me in some parts of the book – the way I must have acted consciously or unconsciously both past and present. It was like someone had described some parts of you in a certain way before but argued that it was a a false description, then you’re given this novel to read and see for yourself.

We had a flat tyre somewhere.

I noticed that the married men, at least the young ones liked to say ‘my wife’. I liked that it wasn’t said like they had just made a new acquisition, rather it was said with happiness and  warmth – someone they love and look forward to seeing or talking. Lool! Don’t ask me how I know. I just feel these things. I hope you get.

Then there was the former-mad passenger who told us that he doesn’t go to any church in Nigeria. He agreed that God is everywhere but not in any Nigerian church and mosque – his words. The other passengers wanted him to share his ideology. (Dear readers, I’ll like to hear your thoughts about this). He was asked and he told them that he stays at home on Sundays but he has told his wife and children can go to any church if they want to (I was appalled). I just stopped listening to anything he had to say and focused on my book.

At this time, Former-mad passenger and driver were talking and laughing. The music was increased to an obscene volume but no one complained. It gave me a headache but everyone seemed not bothered. They were either fiddling with their phones or having conversations in monotones. So I read Americanah all the way.

The end. 🙂

Oh, Don’t you Judge Him.

You had just dunked your blackberry into your pocket when you saw the blind man. The blind man was led by a man that was not. You had just approached the entrance of the church where everyone happened to be either making the sign of the cross after putting their hands in the bowl of Holy Water or waiting for the person in front of them to go in.

While you waited to enter, you noticed that the man leading the blind man had deserted him to enter the church. You hesitated. You kept staring at the blind man staggering while the members of the congregation either ignored him or pushed him away. You finally decided on what you wanted to do. You entered into the church.

You finally found a seat and joined in clapping and singing the Gloria. Your mind went back to the blind man and you became sad. You became sad because you did not help him even when you could. It reminded you of the Samaritan story. Oh, but someone could have helped him by now, you thought. It didn’t make you any brighter.

Breaking me!

On a good day, this is what breaking from depression feels like:

Finally God intervenes, saying :

Relax.

Remember that my love is just waiting to enter your heart.

I’ve already created you in my image. You are already important.

You have everything.

I’ve laid down my life for you – held nothing back from you.

Open your heart more to me and let me give more of myself to you.

Then our love union can start to sing.

:’)