Don’t You Just (not) Want To Grow Up?

You’re 25 years old. You’re staring at your nephew and niece who are 2years and 10months respectively. You see how much your niece wants to walk without support. You remember another time when she wanted you to put in the chair where she could spin around a zillion times. You knew she would cry if you stop.

You look at your nephew and you can see him crying and stamping his feet because he wants the ball on top of the fridge but neither his hands nor legs will permit him to get it.

You immediately give him the ball and the crying stops. You take a seat near him while your mind wanders. You think of how much these children want to grow up and you think of how much you want to be like them. Just like them, you know that they have no responsibility and all they need to do is cry and shout so that food or whatever it is they need  is given to them. You think about yourself and how much you need to spend on accommodation, feeding and transportation in the state you’ve been posted to. You have no relatives there. You know how hard it’s going to be for the next one year serving your country. You just sigh for the umpteenth time again wishing that you were these kids who have nothing to worry about.

Just then you notice your nephew throw the ball in the direction of the tv, you catch it by reflex.

“Odera, how many times have I told you not to throw that ball near the tv, ehn? I’m not giving it to you again.” You say.

Then he starts to cry. You start to mimic him crying; he stops crying and gives you that bewildered look. So you chuckle, kiss him on the head and tickle him a little. He starts laughing as his tear stricken face begins to dry.

 

 

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Have you ever been in a situation where you just kept staring at a little child and wishing just for a second… okay, more than a second that you were just like him/her, young and gay with nothing to worry about? Or am I just the only one that has these thoughts sometimes?

Everything is now Commercialized!

The world keeps evolving.

Now an old man marries a girl child.

A woman marries a man that can be called her son or grandson.

A woman proposes to the man.

A man marries another man.

A woman does the same.

A woman wakes up tomorrow and says that she wants to be a man.

A man does the same.

Now kids are doing the same.

 

Women remove their uterus because they don’t want to have children. Some have this agreement in their marriages. They want to be companions to each other but don’t want to have children.

Parents watch your children. The media is evil.

 

What happens to procreation? Can the transgender persons make babies?

Or gays?

Everything is now commercialized.

 

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I do not intend to judge anybody. I’m just sharing what I think has come to stay with us. These are just my thoughts and maybe the thoughts of others. 

Conversations, Chances, and Commitment.

chances and hope

http://hope-chances.blogspot.ca/

On one of my many conversations with Bubu, we got talking about infidelity in marriage.

I was thinking about it the other day: why would a man or woman bother having a mistress or boyfriend or a man/woman that s/he enjoys getting attention from that isn’t the husband/wife, outside their marriage when such liaison would make for extra spending, chances of STDs, misunderstanding, lies, etc.

Why won’t they just try and work out their problems?

Bubu said that they are bored with their marriages. Then I said whatever is between you two can be spiced up, as long as you both accept that there is a gap (or something wrong) and are willing to fix it. Together.

Maybe I’m thinking this way because I’m not in their shoes and not married.

Then Bubu said that the psychology and biology of a man is different from that of a woman as regards infidelity. He added that he feels people get bored in their marriage because they don’t get married to their partners but to wives/husbands. So it’s easy to get bored, especially when physical attraction and sexuality is the basis of the relationship.

Let me stop here and say that this is Gospel(to me).

Some say that it is impossible for men not to cheat. Yes, they love you but it’s just something they can’t help doing. I still like to believe that there are exceptions.

I’ve been reading a lot of Genevieve magazines.  In one of the columns, a columnist was asked what she thinks better between the olden days and now when it comes to family, marriage and relationships. She said that in the present people are talking out and speaking their minds unlike the past where everyone bottled up their feelings and problems.

I thought about that and realized that she was right. The good part is that you talk about it. The bad part is that most times people talk about it but they don’t bother to try to understand. They usually want to work on it on their own.

An example is in marriage. You have problems in your marriage. You talk about it with your partner but most times (which is not always), you or your partner want to work on it individually. Which in the end makes them talk to third parties.

I hope I’m making sense or rather interpreting was the columnist was trying to say.

Sometimes.

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering if people could be just a little patient and a little more understanding. Life would be a better place to live in. If couples put at the core that they would need to learn and relearn what it means to love each other unconditionally – which means that they would be tested through different challenges. Everything good will come. Eventually.

Sigh.

I have to remember that it isn’t easy.

It is easier said than done.

After the glitz and glamour

I’ve been working on this post for over a month now. I’m not even sure I’ve written to everything but it’s getting longer which is what I’m avoiding. I’ve grateful to Eke, Abdul, and Yomi for their contribution and support in this post. Enjoy.

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I happen to be an avid reader of Bella Naija weddings where mostly the finest weddings of Nigerians are featured. Nigeria is a country known to do colossal stuff. For instance: weddings, burials, parties, etc. Looking at the pictures of the aforementioned weddings, I’m  wandering if these couples are still happily married after their humongous weddings. I’m not hating on these couples, I’m just wondering whether the zeal put into the weddings are also put into marriages. The time and money couples channel into building houses and businesses, does it commensurate with the time spent building their homes and giving their children love and affection? I’ve never been married and intend to one day but I’m so sure wealth isn’t an assurance of happiness. Of course, wealth supports happiness but it isn’t the apex of a marriage.

Some women are myopic about marriage. In other words, they give great thought to the wedding and very little to the marriage. They want lavish wedding receptions, expensive hired/borrowed cars for the occasion and other frivolous things. I’m trying not to generalize but what happens to considering your man’s pocket and cutting your cloak according to your size? I love weddings and flowers and the ‘loveliness’ that is the wedding but at the core of it, I’m thinking of my man and our marriage.

The Nigerian society has fostered the perception that a girl must marry as soon as she gets a degree. For instance, a girl maybe finishing school in a few months. She is also in a serious relationship with Mr Potential and Purpose Driven. He truly loves her but isn’t ready to settle down immediately and needs another year to establish himself. Her mother may have been asking her about him and when she’ll be getting grandchild(ren). Her parents may also be undergoing financial problems too.  She knows some friends that are married or would be getting married before the year runs out. She has her doubts about him: whether he’ll still marry her when said year runs out  or if she has enough faith in her boyfriend’s abilities. Mr Rich, Older and Well Established comes into her life and showers her and her family with gifts. He sweeps her off her feet and before she knows it she’s breaking up with Mr Potential. The story may end with her being a child-producing device who keeps being showered gifts while Mr Rich goes to find a mistress. Apparently, all he ever wanted was to find a woman suitable to carry his name and child.

Some women are comfortable with this idea and some others who feel such women have low self esteem or no sense of purpose in their lives. There are also other women who can’t keep their man and wouldn’t bother to try but get themselves into affairs. I hear it’s called an open marriage. What happens to the children? What impressions do the children have of you and marriage in general? Why cause such turbulence and confusion in their minds?

Most man would not value you if you have nothing to offer, it doesn’t necessarily have to be money. To some of us not yet married, please have goals and dreams aside being married. Let the man you’re getting married to know you have something to offer and be willing to help you fulfill your dream and achieve your goal. One would have to remember that marriage isn’t all about money but what both of you can bring to the table. For instance, you may be able to bring the money and the other may have a knack for handling finances.

A marriage is an institution that spans a lifetime which I love and want to experience one day and I believe one should be a part of it not for the wrong reasons especially societal pressure. Strive to become an asset, not a liability.

Some Navel Gazing

This is not a judgemental post. It’s just something I thought to share. Enjoy!

For many years, I prayed that God would make my parents extremely wealthy. I wanted to be able to ask them for whatever I wanted and get it. I wanted to be spoilt and pampered. I wanted to flaunt my (parent’s) wealth on my friends and everyone who cared to notice.

Well, God never answered my prayer. After sometime I realized that my prayer was a want and not a need. I finally figured that when I prayed, I wanted my will to be God’s will instead of the contrary. Selfish right? Well I didn’t see it that way. I thought money was everything.

Over the past twenty years, I’ve noticed that rich people usually fall into one these categories:

  • The parents are wealthy hence their children don’t see the need to believe in God and have a total reverence to Him.
  • The parents are wealthy and their children believe that by making good grades they are making their parents happy. They still forget that God gave their parents all that money and for that they should be grateful to Him.
  • The parents are wealthy and the children believe neither in God nor make good grades in school. They believe that their parents’ money will sort them out somehow.
  • The parents are busy making money and forget to look into the affairs of their children and usually leave it to the male/female maids or their relatives; who most times really don’t care about the needs of those children either except such need is to their advantage.

Maybe in some way I’m wrong. Maybe I should have given more examples. But if we take some time to think about this, there is an atom of truth.

My parents are far from extremely wealthy, they are not even the best parents, but God blessed them with enough money to take care of six children and some relatives. Is that enough for me? Of course it is and I’m eternally grateful. When I tell people that I don’t pray to be extremely rich they think I’m being too modest. But it’s the truth. I see friends say they want a big house, many cars, and separate bathrooms for themselves and their partners. I think it’s ridiculous. I just want money that is enough for myself and family. I don’t want money that would make my kids horrible or ungrateful. I just want enough that will make them beautiful both inward and outward.

All I want is to have the fortitude to accept God’s will as mine and some peace (contentment), wisdom and love. I think if we all have these things the world will be a better place.